A Wish Upon A Solstice Sun

A divergent's plea to the Universe

Dear Reader,

As I watch the sun set on the eve of Summer Solstice, I reflect upon the desires and intentions made at Winter Solstice. Some call in financial stability. Others speak of a home to place roots and of unconditional love. And I reflect on where I am now in life. Some days, my greatest desire is to simply write in a quiet cabin, exploring the depths of creative imagination. Other days, I wish to travel and be inspired by the world around me. And yes, there are days when I want nothing more than to make love all day in bed with my beloved.

I want nourishing food with moments of indulgence. I want to be seen and acknowledged, but that doesn’t have to mean “famous.” Some may call this a simple life. Simplicity – there is a grace to that, not to be mistaken for blandness. One may live simply and still thrive with sovereignty. Yet it is with all these reflections that I feel the weight of working to survive with the constraints of rent and a 9-5 job just to keep a roof over my head (that isn’t mine) and food on the table. I cannot ignore these desires any longer for a place where I can really land and root so that I may become the old-growth tree – stable and connected.

My heart grows weary with anxiety and depression – worried that I will slowly suffocate and mistake that for living. I wish to spread my wings and fly, soaring to new heights. I made a promise not too long ago to stop running. But sometimes I wonder, will I ever be satisfied? Will I ever succeed at living the life I wish to lead?

What stops me is none other than myself – out of fear of making a mistake. But that’s impossible, right? We are HU-MAN, right? The seed of consciousness itself embedded in this earthly plane as a species that now seems far removed from its origins. Left to wrestle with the insatiable hunger of my demons because they resist coming into the Light.

I believe that most of us, deep in our hearts, wish to be unburdened at some level, yet the world we live in makes that feel impossible. Something’s gotta give and change the way we choose to live. Or do I just see it and feel that way because I am “divergent”? My system, my operations, are different than most, but I am by no means alone. Who else out there processes things more slowly? Feels the struggle in trying to communicate all that you feel? Or easily overwhelmed in social circumstances? Anyone out there constantly trying to regulate anxiety, depression, chronic pain, fatigue, and gut issues?

I know others feel the same, but perhaps we are too worn out by this world to truly make a difference. Does this mean we are the weak – destined to be rooted out by evolution? Or are we simply the dandelions of this world, labeled as weeds instead of medicine?

So many of us are holding out our hands, begging for the ‘table scraps’ of what life has to offer because the world is hostile to our very nature. My bet is most of the world does not know we even exist. And if they do, we are an ill threat to their sense of comfort and ignorance. Like those enslaved by the treachery of humanity, we demand our freedom.

My intention here is not to complain, but to offer a plea to the universe to make room for us “divergents” in society. To speak up and ask for the system to change and bend so that we may have our place instead of being pushed to the outskirts. Let's redefine the line of “normalcy” and push to challenge the standard ways of living. Let's celebrate creativity, art, and innovation, and move into the true 21st century.

And to those out there who read this and resonate, I say to you: “I hear you. I see you. I feel you. And no, it’s not all in your head.”

So, it is upon this day in celebration of our own star, the Sun, that I offer my prayers to all the benevolent and compassionate helpers, guardians, and guides. Please aid us in our journey of belonging and find peace in our body, mind and souls.

I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.